The Grouchy Gastronome » cinnamon

Classic TGG: Stride Gum

The Grouchy Gastronome — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 17:38:46 +0000

I consider myself something of a gum connoisseur, so it was only a matter of time before I tried Stride gum. Stride is apparently “ridiculously long lasting” so I decided to put it to the test. In the interest of science, I used the highly sophisticated clock on my cell phone to time how long I chewed the gum. I lasted two hours and 37 minutes and it held on to its flavor rather well the entire time, so it does live up to the hype. Here’s the problem: I really don’t enjoy chewing gum for that long. By the end my mouth was sore from all chewing, but I kind of felt guilty for spitting out the gum because it still had flavor. So good job, Stride, you made me feel bad about something and I NEVER feel bad about anything.

But, the stride website claims to offer a cinnamon flavor. I haven’t seen it in stores, but when I do that means I am going to have to do an extensive review to discover what is truly the best cinnamon gum, stay tuned…

…update on this. After consulting Wikipedia I have discovered that the cinnamon flavor is only available in America. First, what the fuck? Second, which of my American friends are going to bring me some Stride cinnamon the next time they happen to be visiting me in Canadia?

Old Boys Club

The Grouchy Gastronome — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 01:47:44 +0000

In my opinion, cereal is the perfect food. You can eat it as any meal of the day, it takes two minutes to prepare and it somehow manages to combine cinnamon, toast and milk into one dynamic package. But I’d like to take a moment to look at cereal from a philosophical perspective if I could. Why is it that no cereal mascots are female? I could understand if MOST of the mascots were male, but I can’t think of a single female cereal character in existence. Trix the rabbit is kind of effeminate and gay, but the voice is clearly intended to be male, so that doesn’t count. Oh, and don’t even bother to suggest that Fruity Pebbles cereal somehow has a female attached to it. Yes, it may be named after the baby girl Flintstone character, but it’s the two MALE characters that are actually on the cover of the box and in all those stupid fucking commercials. What is the reasoning behind this? I mean, girls and woman EAT cereal and many enjoy the super sugary kind. Is it so much to ask that maybe one cereal have a female character attached to it? Obviously many of these characters stem from a “simpler” time when men made all the important cereal related decisions. And therein lies the problem, since most new cereals that come out are usually tied in to a TV show or movie they won’t last on the shelves more than a year. Meanwhile, the old cereal boys club continues to hold the public’s attention and little girls everywhere are taught that they can do anything a boy can…except make it as a cereal mascot.

I Pinky Swear, It Sucks!

The Grouchy Gastronome — Thu, 21 May 2009 16:14:39 +0000

Because I am a wonderful person (stop laughing you bastards!), I supply gum at my desk for others in my office. I am a big cinnamon gum aficionado, but I can’t find my preferred brand of Trident in large packs (and I’m starting to have trouble finding it in regular packs, but that is a tale for another day). Anyway, I usually provide a mint flavour of some kind, but when I went to the store the other day I noticed a pink pack and thought “Hey Gnome, why not get some bubblegum too?” So, I did. Here is where this story takes a disturbing turn that ends in tragedy and heartache, because although the gum appeared to be bubblegum, it’s actually bubbleMINT!

I actually bought Excel gum (a Canadian brand) but I couldn’t find any stock pictures of it and I forgot to take a picture with my camera, but this pack and the one I have look almost exactly the same.

But the packaging is entirely fucking pink, making it appear to be plain old bubblegum when it is not. You know what the worst gum flavour in the world is? It’s fucking bubblemint. It tastes kind of like bubblegum, but with this horrible minty flavour thrown in and it confuses my poor, delicate tastes buds to no end. I think some asshole created the bubblemint flavour and the gum people mass produced it, only to realize that it was the worst idea in the history of the planet but suddenly had about a trillion piece of unholy gum on their hands. So, they started throwing it into pink containers in the hopes that unsuspecting people would buy it thinking it was bubblegum. Am I crazy? Does anyone out there actually LIKE this shit? Well, I work in an office of about 40 people. I get regular visits on gum related matters and nobody likes the bubblemint, so I’m not alone. So FUCK YOU bubblemint creator and fuck the dirty, sneaky assholes who decided to package this disgusting gum in a pink packet.