My second question is: with healthy meals like this available for such a low, low price why is there an obesity problem in so many countries?

I ended up in the hospital with what I can only described as “chicken related illness” something I am sure is quite common for KFC patrons. Oh and in case you don’t think this bowl will satisfy you, they offer another variety that comes with a freaking biscuit! Seriously, Colonel Sanders? I imagine that the people who come up with the recipe ideas thought to themselves, “Well it DOES include corn, which is a vegetable…people can probably handle a biscuit on the side as a reward for eating something vaguely healthy.”

I felt the need to explain all this because on Saturday Guy’s family celebrated Ukrainian Xmas (they do this every year) as a testament to their days living the harsh realities of prairie (and by extension Ukrainian) life. Most of the menu consisted of traditional Ukrainian food including: perogies, kielbasa (or as they pronounce it kubasa, basically its dead animal in sausage form), cabbage rolls (both sweet and sour) corn meal (which is really gross) and this cold wheat “soup” (which is also really gross). Also on the menu were some non-Ukrainian foods including barbecued chicken and a salad. Do you notice anything about the meal? Yeah, not really heavy on any vegetables. My theory on this is two-fold. First, since it’s so fucking cold in both the Ukraine and Saskatchewan having vegetables available in the middle of winter would be basically impossible to come by. Second, these people are very macho in demeanor, as Guy says “vegetables are what food eats,” therefore having any type of vegetable on the menu is an instant sign that you are hippie beatnik with machinations of turning everyone in to free loving vegetarians. Overall, the food was actually quite tasty, albeit a little bland. When salt is the most daring spice at your disposal you know you’re eating a Ukrainian* dish.

*Please note: I’m English and traditional foods from this part of the world are just as bland, just so you know I don’t discriminate**.

** Please note: I really enjoy discriminating against pretty much everything.

I love the creepy butcher guy, I love that fact that PETA stands for People Eating Tasty Animals. I especially love the little mantra on the left, which says: “Where’s the beef…and the veal, pork and chicken too? And don’t forget the whale, dolphin, baby seal & panda. Loving all God’s creatures next to my potatoes.” Fucking brilliant I tell you. This sticker was on the side of the box that delivered my Wake The Fuck Up Coffee. Yeah, remember that coffee? I still have it and should probably get a move on testing it out; it’s just a matter of finding the energy. If only I had some really strong energy beverage to help me get moving…

In conclusion, fuck you International Vegetarian Union!

Breakfast: eggs, bacon, ham, sausage

Lunch: turkey, beef, chicken sandwich

Dinner: rare veal steak, foie gras and a lobster I kill myself

The heart attack will be totally worth it.

So now the house is filled with all kinds of vegetarian foods. These include veggie burgers, tofu stuffed taquitos, and my personal favourite tofurky. But I don’t really understand what the faux-meat vegetarian friendly food goal is. If, as a vegetarian, you are rejecting meat then why would you want your tofu-filled products to look like meat? Shouldn’t they try to make them look like a piece of lettuce or something? The entire vegetarian food industry seems to be saying “we really wish we were eating meat, so let’s make our gross tofu foods LOOK like meat as the next best thing!”

This picture pretty much sums up all my feelings about this discussion:

The Prep:

The Burrito Baby:

The Dent Carpool Buddy Made:

It turns out that this particular burrito only cost $15 BUT if my Carpool Buddy had successfully eaten the whole thing, he wouldn’t have had to pay for it. There was no mention of gift certificates at this particular Taco Del Mar establishment. He tried his best and estimates that if he had enough time, he could have finished it. As it stands, he wanted to return to work without falling into some sort of burrito induced coma. I will leave you with a quote from Carpool Buddy: “Fuck this thing is HUGE!”

P.S. If you haven’t clued in yet, ALL pictures contain delightful little jokes if you hover over to read the alt text. Some are funny, some are not, they can’t all be winners people!