February 9th, 2010 . Posted in Fast Food, Re-Blog, WTF? | No Comments »
Tags: biscuit, chicken, Chicken bowl, corn, KFC, vegetable
I don’t really know why I did it, but one day I walked in to a KFC restaurant and ordered one of the “Famous Bowls.” What compelled me to do such a thing? Was I feeling particularly angry with myself that day? Perhaps a little suicidal?
I ended up in the hospital with what I can only described as “chicken related illness” something I am sure is quite common for KFC patrons. Oh and in case you don’t think this bowl will satisfy you, they offer another variety that comes with a freaking biscuit! Seriously, Colonel Sanders? I imagine that the people who come up with the recipe ideas thought to themselves, “Well it DOES include corn, which is a vegetable…people can probably handle a biscuit on the side as a reward for eating something vaguely healthy.”
February 1st, 2010 . Posted in Gum, Re-Blog | 2 Comments »
Tags: cinnamon, Gum, Stride gum
I consider myself something of a gum connoisseur, so it was only a matter of time before I tried Stride gum. Stride is apparently “ridiculously long lasting” so I decided to put it to the test. In the interest of science, I used the highly sophisticated clock on my cell phone to time how long I chewed the gum. I lasted two hours and 37 minutes and it held on to its flavor rather well the entire time, so it does live up to the hype. Here’s the problem: I really don’t enjoy chewing gum for that long. By the end my mouth was sore from all chewing, but I kind of felt guilty for spitting out the gum because it still had flavor. So good job, Stride, you made me feel bad about something and I NEVER feel bad about anything.
But, the stride website claims to offer a cinnamon flavor. I haven’t seen it in stores, but when I do that means I am going to have to do an extensive review to discover what is truly the best cinnamon gum, stay tuned…
…update on this. After consulting Wikipedia I have discovered that the cinnamon flavor is only available in America. First, what the fuck? Second, which of my American friends are going to bring me some Stride cinnamon the next time they happen to be visiting me in Canadia?
January 26th, 2010 . Posted in The Grouchy Gastronome, WTF? | 3 Comments »
Tags: food-hate
Dear Readers,
You have probably noticed a drop in the number of posts recently. For a variety of reasons I have grown tired of being the Grouchy Gastronome and I think I need to take a break. I will continue to update the blog about once a week, but these are going to be “classic” posts from the old blogspot site. I’m hoping that if I step away for awhile I will regain my love of food-hate and feel inspired to blog anew.
Sincerely,
Your humble Gnome
January 19th, 2010 . Posted in Experimentation Zone, Foods I don’t hate | 2 Comments »
Tags: bacon, bacon mug, cheese, grease, soup, whale semen
So last week I featured bacon popcorn, this week I am featuring the bacon mug:
I was going to try and come up with some sort of clever title for this picture, but really, what the hell could I say? This picture defies words and instills within me a sense of awe and reverence. Don’t get me wrong, I would never actually eat a mug of bacon, but I would probably take a few bites. And what the hell is that liquid inside the mug, is it cheese, soup, whale semen? More importantly, think of the time it would have taken to create this monstrosity, think of the sheer amount of nasty bacon grease you would get all over you while doing it. To the creator of the bacon mug, my hat is off to you. The question is, what crazy item should I attempt to make from bacon to top this?
January 14th, 2010 . Posted in Food Philosophy | 5 Comments »
Tags: bear, Rice
If someone placed the following rice bowl in front you…
Would you:
1) Find it simply too adorable to eat and start crying.
2) Take a picture with your camera to preserve the image, then start eating.
3) Be halfway through eating the bowl before commenting “hey is this some kind of Care Bear or something?”
Officially, the Gnome would choose answer 2, while That Guy I Know would choose answer 3. Pretty much everyone else I know would choose answer 1. Oh yeah, I went there. Hate away readers.
January 11th, 2010 . Posted in Anti-Vegetarianism, Holiday Food | 3 Comments »
Tags: cabbage rolls, chicken, corn meal, dead animal, food, kilbasa, kubasa, perogies, salad, salt, sausage, vegetables, wheat soup
That Guy I Know’s extended family is from Saskatchewan. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Canadian history *ahem ALL my American readers* Saskatchewan was taken from the native people and much of the land was given to the lowliest of individual: Eastern Europeans. This is because living in Saskatchewan pretty much sucks from around September through May because it is ridiculously cold. Naturally people from Eastern Europe would be used to these types of dismal conditions and therefore jump at the chance to live in a place that makes Ohio look mountainous.
I felt the need to explain all this because on Saturday Guy’s family celebrated Ukrainian Xmas (they do this every year) as a testament to their days living the harsh realities of prairie (and by extension Ukrainian) life. Most of the menu consisted of traditional Ukrainian food including: perogies, kielbasa (or as they pronounce it kubasa, basically its dead animal in sausage form), cabbage rolls (both sweet and sour) corn meal (which is really gross) and this cold wheat “soup” (which is also really gross). Also on the menu were some non-Ukrainian foods including barbecued chicken and a salad. Do you notice anything about the meal? Yeah, not really heavy on any vegetables. My theory on this is two-fold. First, since it’s so fucking cold in both the Ukraine and Saskatchewan having vegetables available in the middle of winter would be basically impossible to come by. Second, these people are very macho in demeanor, as Guy says “vegetables are what food eats,” therefore having any type of vegetable on the menu is an instant sign that you are hippie beatnik with machinations of turning everyone in to free loving vegetarians. Overall, the food was actually quite tasty, albeit a little bland. When salt is the most daring spice at your disposal you know you’re eating a Ukrainian* dish.
*Please note: I’m English and traditional foods from this part of the world are just as bland, just so you know I don’t discriminate**.
** Please note: I really enjoy discriminating against pretty much everything.
January 8th, 2010 . Posted in Foods I don’t hate | 3 Comments »
Tags: eggo waffles, waffles
If Star Trek Eggo waffles are wrong, I don’t want to be right.
January 6th, 2010 . Posted in WTF? | No Comments »
Tags: bacon, bacon popcorn, grease, popcorn
First, there was bacon soap. Now there is bacon popcorn!
Yes, the delicious taste of bacon is now coated all over popcorn, just as nature intended. Personally, when I make bacon popcorn I do things a little differently. First, I take the time to wrap a small piece of bacon around each kernel of popped popcorn. Yes, this is extremely time consuming, but it is totally worth it to get that authentic bacon flavored taste. In conclusion, this popcorn is total bullshit because it’s popcorn to bacon grease level is not nearly high enough.
January 5th, 2010 . Posted in Food Philosophy, WTF? | 3 Comments »
Tags: food, gummy bear, hummus, pizza
Ok, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what the fuck is the point of giant record breaking food items? Sure they look cool and, yes, it would be entertaining to force feed That Guy I Know this giant gummy bear:
Now, forgive me dear readers, but I’m going to get on my Gnome Soapbox for a moment and point out the fact that fucking millions of people are starving to death all over the world and yet society has decided that creating a giant pizza is more important.
Even the guy who is eating the pizza in this picture looks like a tremendous douche bag. Yes, I realize I am doing exactly nothing to solve world hunger but I’m also not particularly concerned with what exactly the largest bowl of hummus clocks in at.
Anyway, if you want to check out a whole list of ridiculous giant foods and imagine Guy groaning in agony as I shove another mouthful his way, check this link out.
January 4th, 2010 . Posted in Anti-Vegetarianism | 5 Comments »
Tags: vegetarian
*Sigh* it’s back to work today for me and the rest of the general population as well. I am feeling particularly grouchy and angry and for once I will not be directing that rage at That Guy I Know…well at least not ALL my rage. Instead:
You know, I feel a little better!
