She finally broke down this weekend. Yes, that’s right my “vegetarian” sister officially gave up her life of debauchery and tofurky. And what broke her? The Gnome’s family went out for Sunday brunch and she just couldn’t resist that wonderful, magical animal: the pig. This is proof again that bacon can pretty much solve all the problems in the world. If I’m angry (which doesn’t happen very often) and then suddenly there is bacon in front of me I tend to mellow out.
Except…there are some religions in the world that don’t allow pork! I understand that 4000 years ago pigs could make you sick, but what kind of god says you can’t eat the meat of a pig but it is perfectly acceptable to eat that candy that is essentially sugar that you eat off a stick that is also made of sugar? I don’t remember what the name of that candy is and I can’t find it on Google, but you know what I’m talking about. I’m pretty sure that sugar candy is equally as bad for you as bacon so what the hell Jews and Muslims? Also, since I’m already offending my Jewish and Muslim readers who don’t actually exist I might as well piss other religious folks off by pointing out that Hindus don’t eat cows and Catholics* are supposed to not eat meat on Fridays; which is also incredibly fucked up to me. Also, there is some religion where the people are so worried about killing animals that they carry a little broom around with them at all times to make sure they don’t step on bugs…I can’t find the name of that religion on Google either.
*Originally said Christians, but I was corrected, thanks Jeff!
Hey I think the candy you are talking about is Wonka Fun Dip! It was the candy stick you would dip into the flavoured sugar! Everything was sugar! It’s on wikipedia as “Fun Dip” if you want to see what I’m talking about.
haha, I actually have a packet of fun dip in my car. It has been there for about 2 years since a different Canadian gave it to me. That Canadian became a U.S. citizen yesterday because she realized that Canada sucks. While I am trying to piss off other countries, I might as well say Fuck You Panama, you are a fucking hole.
Thanks Guy, I knew there was a reason I kept you around! Also, it’s not Panama that sucks, just the canal.
I don’t like when people leave comments in funny languages on your blog such as “Russian” or “American.” Also, I have an avatar now too! Please, feel free to bask in the glow of my greatness.
It’s actually only Catholics who don’t eat meat on Fridays, and if you trace it back the reason for it has more to do with economics than any religious mandate (though that’s somehow become indoctrinated with being a “good” Catholic these days). Butchers, etc. were charging exorbitant prices for meat, so the Catholic community decided to boycott buying it one day a week to show that if prices didn’t come down, shopkeepers and the like would lose a lot of business. It just kind of stuck around after that.
AND HOW DO WE GET AVATARS?!?!?!?! I have gnome art that is just begging to be displayed.