So yesterday I think I accurately conveyed my anger toward Just Bunches cereal – from the makers of Honey Bunches of Oats. Due to my extreme anger, I didn’t really get to explain how the creation of this cereal is signifying the downfall of humanity. You see, in life you have to work hard to make your way. You have to endure the flakes of HBoO to get to the delicious little clusters that come with it. When someone says “Hey, let’s just remove the fucking flakes!” they are giving society a free pass to remove any unwanted item from a perfectly good product. What’s next? Getting only the marshmallows in Lucky Charms? Doesn’t that sound great? Of course it does, but where is the fucking challenge? Isn’t the best part about eating Lucky Charms the fact that you have to carefully eat all the little “healthy” oat pieces to get to the delicious marshmallow bits at the end? Well why fucking stop there? Why don’t we just say “Fuck the wheats” and start eating JUST the frosted part of Frosted Mini Wheats? Where will it all end people? I’ll tell you where it ends, with a society so lazy and useless that we have lost the ability to dress ourselves because some assholes in a cereal R&D department decided to make life a little easier for all the pathetic slobs out there. Well I’m not going to fucking stand for it. Try Just Bunches if you like and feel dirty afterwards like I did. But it is a slippery slope, one from which I fear we may not be able to return. I am hereby boycotting ALL Honey Bunches of Oaks products (including the incredibly nasty sounding “with real chocolate clusters” that I didn’t realize existed until today). Take that you fascist pig dogs!
So basically, what you’re saying is that you’re jealous because I have an emo avatar and you don’t, correct?
I am jealous because you are emo ALL the time…I wish I could have feelings.
I am okay with a boycott of something for no real reason other than forced outrage to make people read a blog with no redeeming value. Count me in!
Also, I am glad to find out that I am not the only one to try and eat the least amount of marshmallows as possible until all the oat product from the lucky charms then allowing for the biggest sugar intake possible.
I feel like a bowl of Lucky Charms with only marshmallows is going to be used as a metaphor for life in an Oprah Book Club meeting. At the end of the book, the main character will realize that she has to accept life’s challenges and she’ll stop asking her mother to remove the marshmallows for her cereal and she’ll eat the oat pieces too thus signifying that she is finally ready to take the bad and good of her own life.
Shortly afterwards, Julia Roberts and Dakota Fanning will make a movie based on the book. And, oh, let’s throw in Queen Latifah as a character who is there to teach us that racism is wrong!
If you’re looking to cheat at eating cereal, just get a bowl of Frankenberry or Boo Berry. Even if you eat the non-marshmallow pieces (what are those called?), it’s still bad for you. It’s just sugar pressed into different shapes. Delicious!